Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
