I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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