I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
