i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
