he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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