He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
