Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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