So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
