I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
