Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
