Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
