we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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