I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
