she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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