they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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