anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
