cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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