I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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