Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
