if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I am morally bankrupt
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
