its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
