There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
