So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
