Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
