I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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