Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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