in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
