Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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