after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
