Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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