you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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