We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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