Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
