Sponge bath it is.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
