did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
