peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There are leaves in my underwear?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
