It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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