Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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