i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
