how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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