He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
