First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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