if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
