How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
