my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
