I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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