You're so nebulous sometimes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
