Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
