pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
