ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
