Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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