I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
