i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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