; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
